For Grown Folks Only...

It is interesting to go back and see how your thoughts have developed over the years. I wrote this in 2006 in response to a question a sister had on a forum. Three years later, it seems to have been on the mark. I am glad about that! Full Disclosure: I have have made some very small stylistic adjustments and I corrected a typo or three, but the content has not changed one bit. I was pleased after reading it again. I hope it blesses you like it blessed me. By the way, I convinced my wife to get rid of those glasses...

(1) Why is respect more important to husbands than love?

(2) Do men have an inner vulnerability?

(3) Why does sex unlock a man's emotions?

(4) Is a wife's appearance important?

Interesting questions...

(1) Respect is often viewed by men as a BIRTHRIGHT. This is because of an incomplete, nay, completely deranged view of what a helper/helpmeet is. Jah, when He created Eve, didn't create her as a footstool. He didn't create her as a slave. He saw her as co-equal with Adam. Eve wasn't subjected to a subordinate position. Jah gave the male and female that He created dominion over the earth--not just the male alone (see Genesis 1:26-31). Now, AFTER the fall, things did change, but Eve still wasn't supposed to have Adam's boot on her neck.

Misdirected chauvinism is what you get when you suppose that men are somehow superior to women--which is not in keeping with Jah's original intent. (I purposely said "misdirected chauvinism", because chauvinism in and of itself is not a bad thing. No chauvinism, no chivalry. I KNOW you want doors opened, et cetera...) Men that view respect as superior or more important than love have a seriously distorted view of their own manhood and role in life. That view is full of pride and false pride at that.

There are brothers that believe because they support the household, i.e., are the breadwinners, that whatever they say has to be the rule. It is a misplaced view of what true leadership is. Some dude in antiquity forgot about the joy that Adam had when the woman (Eve) was presented to him and in the early days afterward. Adam lost his mind! He loved him some Eve! Check this out: even though all that is recorded about Eve (as far as action goes) before she gave birth to Cain is her unfortunate collaberation with the serpent, Adam regarded her highly enough to name her the mother of all living. So it follows that if you have no joy, you have no regard for the importance of love.

Also, men seem to want to act like kings instead of the King. An earthly king brooks no dissent; you know, the whole "off with their heads" paradigm. Mercy is limited. Love is relegated to a secondary if not tertiary place. That isn't of Jah. Period.

(2) "Big Boys don't cry. But, Big Boys aren't Men." (LOL...I wrote that YEARS ago). Men ARE vulnerable. There is no "hidden" about it. An honest man has no problem showing a little vulnerability at times. However, it isn't prudent to have such a trait on display 24/7 because of how most folks view vulnerability, as a weakness. This isn't healthy because it isn't real. Yeshua told us to be wise as serpents and harmless as doves, because He was aware of the distorted, vile and evil nature of mankind since the appearance of sin in human history. That is also why Yeshua told us not to cast our pearls before swine.

So the vulnerabilty isn't hidden; it has been compartmentalized and possibly even locked away. I repeat, it isn't healthy. It isn't even manly. Yeshua wept. I challenge anyone to find more of a "man's man" than Him. Men need to have the courage to be more vulnerable, in the right measure, of course. That requires seeking Jah (which requires vulnerability enough to recognize that you don't have all of the answers).

(3) This is so patronizing and so off of the mark that it almost angers me. It isn't a view of the regenerated man. For one thing, sex and emotion are mutually exclusive. One can perform a sex act totally void of emotion, i.e., masturbation (which is idolatry anyway).

The man regenerated in Yeshua regards the act of making love with his wife as worship. Yes, worship to Jah Almighty. Consider this: what is our life in Yeshua supposed to be? Is it not supposed to be worship? Isn't the sexual relationship between a man and his wife supposed to be representative of the mystery between Yeshua and the Church? Isn't the very marriage itself a representation of that mystery? Isn't that a worshipful experience? You can not divorce emotion from worship. You can not divorce adoration and love from worship. Likewise, you can not divorce emotion from lovemaking in its proper context. The only proper context for lovemaking is in a loving, Yeshua-centered marriage.

(4) This question is a land mine. I am going to direct you to the Song of Solomon and suggest that you peruse it and meditate on it and so that the Holy Spirit can minister to you on this critically important issue. I will say this: I do believe a woman's appearance is important, but not in the traditional context.

Jah made man in His own image. Jah fashioned Eve from Adam's rib. Just as Jah wanted to see a representation of Himself in mankind, a man should expect to see a representation of himself in his wife. This has nothing to do with personal taste which is of the flesh. It does have everything to do with seeing as Jah sees. Yeshua made it a point to tell us that man looks on the outward appearance, but Jah looks on the heart.

I am blessed that in my wife I see someone who follows hard after Jah. I am blessed that I see someone who is my complement in ministry. When I first met her, having no idea that we would one day enter into a marriage covenant, I saw her as pure. Yes, pure--the same purity I experienced in my spirit the moment I gave my life to Yeshua (THAT should have been a clue LOL). As our friendship developed, I saw her heart. Seeing her heart was much more important than seeing her physical beauty.

You see, beauty is much more than skin deep. It has to permeate the very being. Holiness is beautiful. Righteousness is beautiful. Sacrifice to Jah is beautiful. Obedience to Jah is beautiful. Modesty is beautiful. For me, if those things are not part of that woman's appearance, she isn't a "heart-turner." Shoot, anyone (or anything) can turn a man's head--traffic accidents cause a great amount of rubber-necking!

I saw a question about a woman's weight earlier in the thread. To that I say this: any brother that has an issue with his wife's weight should be willing to hit the gym with her or do whatever is necessary to accommodate her. Yeshua gave Himself for the church--completely. A brother should do no less in regards to his wife. So if weight is an issue, he should discuss it with her but without badgering or bludgeoning her about it. He must encourage her rather than criticize her.

Having said that, it is okay to "pretty" yourself up for the brother. Hopefully a married couple has discussed what is attractive and unattractive to one another and have made a serious and sincere attempt to please each other. For example, my wife LOVES my goatee. I like to switch up the facial hair sometimes, but I recognize to keep her happy I need to keep the goatee. On the flip side (LOL) she has these hideous glasses from 20 (or more) years ago that she wears to bed and around the house after she takes her contacts out. Even though, praise the Lord, we can easily afford another pair, she holds on to them like Linus holds on to his doggone blanket! Please be in prayer with us on this issue.

May you be blessed by Jah beyond your ability to conceive it!

Love and Peace...